I am sitting in my living room, on my very comfy couch, with the newest edition to my library. It is nap time at our house and Mommy is monopolizing every minute that I can. Just as the current chapter hits the climax, I hear it – the “Mommy!” call from bedroom number two (aka. MJ’s room). Now in all fairness its a little early for her to be getting up from her nap, so try not to judge me too harshly as you read the next part … I pretended I didn’t hear her so I could finish the last page of my book.
*** hanging my head in shame ****
I know! I know!! But it’s not like it happens all the time!!! (ouch!! My nose just hit the computer, and Jiminy Cricket is shaking his head like I’m a lost cause). Okay so it happens more than I would like to admit. Sometimes you just need those extra couple minutes before you go back into Mommy Mode … and I can’t be the ONLY culprit.
I KNOW that there are times when other Moms distract their kids with candy, toys, books, etc so they can catch the last 10 minutes of their show before switching back to the all kids network …
When 7:00am comes WAY TOO EARLY, there ARE other parents who creep in to convince their kids it’s still night-time, for those extra 20 minutes of sleep …
And when Mommy & Daddy are desperate for some alone time, I am NOT the only one to convince their daughter that her bedtime is 1/2 hour earlier than normal …
This would be unforgivable if it didn’t come with a punishment of its own! I am now well aware of why Moms act the way they do … it’s because of the Mommy Guilt!
How many times have you seen a woman browsing in a store and had to take a second look because there was something that was just a little off? Maybe she was mumbling to herself … maybe it looked like she was trying to decide between two shirts, holding them up alternately and then all of a sudden puts them both down and walks away … maybe she did a full lap of the store and then walks right out without breaking her stride. Sadly, these are NOT cases of insanity (at least not entirely), but heavy doses of Mommy Guilt (the last one may have been casing the joint but most likely belongs in this story).
It’s a sly little parental side effect that stays dormant as long as the doting is continuous. However, its vicious attack comes anytime a Mommy tries to do anything for herself, whether it be something as big as missing bedtime kisses and stories for a night out with the girls, or as little as the two minutes it takes to finish that chapter (I SWEAR that’s all it was and I already said she woke up earlier than usual otherwise I would have been done!!!). The symptoms are easy to spot once you have your first experience, but seeing as we are all friends, I will save you the guess-work and give you an idea of what to look for: its like an internal case of the chickenpox … there’s sweating, itching, an uneasiness in your stomach, goosebumps, and a real need to start dishing out ice cream (weird!). And the only way to rid yourself of Mommy Guilt is to purchase something your kids don’t really need (if you had continued your observations of the above mentioned Moms when they abandoned their shopping, you would have followed them right to the children’s department). This also has a lot to do with why Toys R Us is so busy on Saturdays.
The sad part about Mommy Guilt is that it can hit even when there’s nothing to be guilty about! I have even gotten it while grocery shopping … I leave the kids with Daddy for some bonding time; there’s usually a not-so-random uncle that stops by making the ratio 1:1, and yet there I was, holding a Delissio pizza (LOVE THEM!), when the symptoms hit. If I remember correctly, I came home with a ridiculously large container of gummy worms (much to MJ’s delight) and some extra soft baby wipes (Kiki’s a little harder to bribe right now).
This is the reason why we can no longer go shopping without heading straight to the kids section; why the cell phone will always be present on the table during nights out with frequent checks and/or calls; and why the candy bowl will always be full. Our closets will become full of “classic” items so we don’t have to spend money on ourselves and we will start to look forward to the new package of socks in our stockings at Christmas.
No excuse is going to make us feel better and no amount of reassurance is going to make it go away, so a word of advice … if the infliction of guilt upon yourself is inevitable, at least make sure you are enjoying yourself until it hits!
PS. It’s a REALLY good book!
Don’t ever feel you have to justify yourself to another parent. We all have moments when we just need a little more time. As long as the kids are safe, they can entertain themselves for a few minutes. But we’re trained for the guilt from the day we find out we are pregnant.